Dawn of A New Dream

At about 4:30 on Monday, Johnny Angel, our Siamese cat, passed away.

I was at work, Sung was in his office, and had just seen him at 4, and Sung said his breathing was shallow. After 5 weeks of “hospice care” and giving him constant loving comfort and care, he took his last breath when neither one of us was there.

Our brave little boy

Sunday night, we moved everything in next to him and watched the Super Bowl together. Then we put him in our bed, and during the night, this cat, who hadn’t been able to walk for over a week, somehow wriggled all the way over to Sung’s side and was reaching out for him and putting his head on his chest. And I had hugging time too, I held him next to me and he raised his head back and leaned right into me so we could touch noses. I rubbed his throat. He purred very quietly, and I could hear inside my head my own fear of dying, but in Johnny’s head maybe it was just a blissful happiness.

Monday morning, Sung said John’s eyes were very alert and happy and his energy was high. Sung said it felt clear that the night with us had given him a boost in his spirit.

It was just the boost he needed, b/c I really did not want the vet to come as we had scheduled for Tuesday morning. I did not feel that it was respectful of Johnny, b/c of the particular way he had been creating his passage. And so it was all in his power, and he is the one who made the call. And we are so grateful.

We are grateful for the honor of knowing this cat who was generous and kind, with a self-confident genial way about him, the kind of guy who, like my husband says, would be the one buying drinks and listening to everyone’s tale of woe at the bar, in spite of his own. That was Johnny. And we thank him for his precious life and for his brave and fearless death; we are grateful for sharing our lives and our love with him; and we are grateful for each and every one of you.

You are in my life for one reason, and one reason only, and Johnny’s acceptance and reverence for life and death has shown me this so clearly: you are in my life so that I can tell you how much I love you.

And I do. I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being with me in this life we share together.

… and I need a hug!